BYU Newsnet: Worst hyperbole ever

In a recent article titled “Worst lines ever” the BYU Newsnet staff succeeded in using the worst hyperbole ever.

The article goes on to describe a line that went “along the sidewalk toward the Brimhall building.” (Students who have been at BYU too long will remember the “good ‘ole days” when lines would routinely snake past the JSB – far beyond the measely milestone mentioned in the article.)

In an interview with the Daily Universe, a spokesperson had this to say:

“This years crop of writers is our best ever. We’ve always made it a goal to exagerate campus news as much as possible. This years staff of young imbeciles make that goal a reality. Not only do they make everything sound like a bigger deal than it is, they are so poetic at it.”

It’s hard to argue that point. Just read the opening line in the worst-hyperbole-ever article: “I can see clearly now, the line is gone.” What a grand piece of work. Although you might think the author was unable to see clearly because of the ten or fifteen people in line – that’s not what this modern-day William Shakespeare was saying. He was making an allusion to a bad 90′s tune: “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.” See? Genius.

The article also masters the art of hyperbole by extending the duration of the so-called “longest line ever.” The article mentions that this line was in existence for “the past week and a half.”

The Daily Universe spokesperson:

“This overstatement is excellent because it makes the reader believe that people were standing in line for a week-and-a-half. The reader can start to have a distorted view of people huddled around at night burning textbooks in trash-bins just to stay warm.”

When asked about the possibility of reporting the actual story, that once or twice the line got long – but only for a short time, and only in the afternoon – the Universe replied:

“Our responsiblity is not to report the facts, especially if the facts are boring.”

Read the worst hyperbole ever here:
BYU NewsNet – Worst lines ever