RyeBlog

Today on my drive into school, I was informed by a heating company that fuel prices are - “as we all know” - increasing “exponentially” this heating season. I’m sure that the guy who was talking in the advertisement was trying to use the phrase “exponentially” as some kind of overstatement - but I think he overdid it.

If fuel prices have doubled in the last 3 months - and heating prices are growing exponentially - then lets see what would happen. Assume that 3 months ago, the fuel to heat your home would cost you $100. Today, that fuel would cost you $200. The “exponential” equation to model this would be e^(ln(2)*t/90) (t in days). According to this exponential growth model, in 3 more months, that same fuel would cost you $400. Three months after that, $800. A year from today, the fuel to heat your house would cost you $3,325. Two years from today, $55,299.06. Three years from today, that fuel would cost you about a $919,520. Four years from today: $15,289,929.43. Perhaps he is right. Perhaps in four years, we will all have to pay fifteen-million dollars to heat our homes.

According to this guy - in 9 years the ENTIRE GDP of the United States of America (yes, all $11,750,000,000,000) will be required to heat your home. [That’s using the current GDP - not taking into account how the GDP will drop once we all have to drop millions into heating our homes]

Sick and tired of having to spread peanut butter on your sandwiches? No? Shoot - you were supposed to say “Yes!” Oh well, we’ll keep going - pretending you said “Yes” - because if you had said “yes” you would be excited to find out that you can now get peanut butter in slices.
According to a press release from the manufacturer:

No more double-dipping in the peanut butter jar or peanut butter covered utensils on the counter. Peanut butter just got “funner.” Finding an easy, portion-controlled way to eat peanut butter was something consumers didn’t know they needed until P.B. Slices™ came along.

I certainly was not aware that I needed any kind of easy portion-controlled way to consume peanut butter. Thankfully, I was alerted to this fact while I still have many years left to live. It’s not too late for me to change, and then - like the 9-year-old they quote in their press release, I too can eat peanut butter without making a mess in the car.

Of course, the major problem I see with this is that I mainly eat chunky peanut butter.

If you must, you can learn more at their official website.

[Via Museum of Hoaxes]