Today was the Primary Program for our ward. For those who are not familiar with this - it means that instead of having a regular meeting, we have a well-orchestrated presentation put on by the leaders of the children. It’s a lot of singing, and a lot of kids saying two or three lines at a time. Today I made several observations. First: Our primary is huge. Second: There are a lot of unusual names in our primary.
Before I say any more, I should point out that I did in fact enjoy the primary program. It was a well put together program run by a very on-the-ball primary organization.
Data on our Primary
Since the program had the names of all the kids in the different classes printed, it was easy for me to figure out just HOW huge our primary is. I created a histogram while I was in Sacrament, but this one from Microsoft Excel looks a little bit sharper. I also counted how many unusual names there were and calculated the percentage of unusual names. It was a smaller percent than I would have expected - but I guess it goes to show that strange names just jump out at you. Here is the breakdown by age, and strange names. Add the two numbers together to get the total number of kids in that age group.
Totals: 124 kids, 30 strange names (25% of our kids have strange names)
1997 seems to be a significant year for our ward. The number of kids per-year more than doubled that year, and has remained that high ever since. (At least judging from these data.) There could, of course, be some kind of deathmatch that our primary has every year at the end of the eighth year where half of the kids are killed - that could also explain the sudden dip in numbers.
Unusual Names in Utah: a disturbing trend
Going back to the idea of unusual names - there seems to be a trend in Utah to try to name your kid with the strangest name possible. You get double points if it is pronounced nothing like it looks. There was a trend that started a while ago where people would take a normal name, twist it around, and spell it in a strange new way. This trend has continued, but the “new big thing” seems to be using the strangest combination of letters possible and calling it a name.
Here are some of the examples I came up with (all of these are from the program.) Oh, and just to answer the question before it is asked - yes, they are all caucasian. Yes, even Xakoi.
Unique Names
- Adisyn
- Whytli
- Cortlyn
- Shaden
- Acacia
- Tymber
- Axel
- Samara (not strange - but poor kid will be picked on for the rest of her life because of ‘The Ring’)
- Celek
- Xakoi
- Zander
- Makenna
- Colton
- Braeden
- Tiaza
- Malikk
- Brilee
- Kiylia
- Kaid
- Makayla
Who let the hippee out?
Our primary also sang a song today titled “Holding Hands Around The World.” I do not believe this song was in the songbook when I was a whipper-snapper. The song is what its title makes you think it is - a hippee-inspired song about holding hands with kids around the world. It has a strange 90’s music feel to it. It reminded me of that famous Coke commercial - only not quite as good. I can easily picture some girl smoking pot singing this song while she braids dandelions to put in her hair. If I never hear that song again as long as I live, I wont feel cheated.
What happened to the Merry Misses?
If you are like me - and are hopelessly out of the loop when it comes to primary things - you may not be aware of the names for primary classes. There are three names now. Gone are the Blazers, Merry Misses, and other names from the past. There are Sunbeams and Valiants still - and anything in between is called “CTR” They identify the CTR class by the age of the kids. When I was in primary, I always liked the milestone of changing to a different class name. Oh well. At least they still have the song “Give Said the Little Stream.”
In conclusion
My primary is a gigantic organization. There are 60 adults involved, 124 kids, and far too many strange names. There is a big jump in the number of kids that are 7 than the number of kids that are 8. I have no idea why. If you know why - feel free to let me in on the secret 
November 14th, 2005 at 9:42 am
the stake has been put in the ground — now we will all be able to compare this with what ever name you and Aubrey come up with for your child =-)
Archand has been going by Axel for many years now — not a common name. I only recognize 4/5 as names that I have heard attached to someone… and I think 2 of those are from one family that started their family in Utah…
November 14th, 2005 at 10:51 am
Archand uses Axel as a nickname. This kid has it as his actual name.
I’m not worried. Aubrey and I have already bought personalized stuff for little “Qzyxa” (we wanted to go with a name that could be for either a boy or a girl… It’s pronounced more like Kwqtw)
November 14th, 2005 at 1:49 pm
Qzyxa is obviously a girls name. Duh.
Remember the culturally insensitive joke about Chinese people that says that when naming a kid, the Chinese will drop a spoon and name the kid whatever sound the spoon makes when it hits the floor? Maybe in Utah they drop that spoon on a keyboard, and whatever pops up on screen is the kid’s name. Or maybe, in a ward with that many kids, the parents are just trying to find ways to make their own kid stand out. I often think of how much more popular I would have been if my name were spelled Knicole, or Nikol, or Nycoal. Think about it, Rhyenn
November 14th, 2005 at 4:14 pm
That was an interesting read. (I’m not even joking) You did your homework! Or were you just wasting time during church (which I can totally understand)? I think you just gave me a reason not be board anymore - I’ll statisticize the ward! (I’m pretty sure I just made that word up)
Anyway, I totally dug that post!
November 15th, 2005 at 12:35 am
Paul had me go on your blog and read the weird name article. In all honesty, I thouroughly enjoyed it and just had to respond, especially taking into accound the amount of thought it took.
First thing I have to say is that you would be adding us to your list of weird parents who name their kids quite unusually if I let Paul name our children. Get this. Before we knew that we were having a girl, Paul’s suggestions for boy names were Link (take into account our last name) and Hydrogen. Funny, huh. Well, actually, Paul totally agrees with you and likes traditional names and I tend to stray just a tad to names that are less well known. He says that if he would name it something different he would go all the way, therefore Hydrogen. Its good that we had a girl.
Also, I am puzzled by people’s desire to spell things funny. From a foreigner’s prospective-as if English language spellings were not already hard enough. And let the parents of the kid forgive me, but name Axel is too much. Also that Xakqoi name or whatever, I am not sure the child will like his name mispronounced everywhere he will turn- school, work, etc. I just don’t get it. Why do people want to complicate things for their kids?
Ok, I guess this is long enough.
I do have to say though, one name really caught my attention (Kaid), I think I would add it to my list of baby names.
November 17th, 2005 at 11:38 am
I’m a substitute teacher, and so I get to see a wide variety of crazy names. My top three are:
Qylci (Pronounced “Kelsy”)
Unique
Lyric
-Bob