Cadbury Craziness

It’s Easter time, so the Cadbury Bunny is hard at work cranking out her little eggs.

Every year, before I chomp down on one of her sugar-filled gametes I wonder, “Why don’t they just sell these things all year?” This question quickly goes away as soon as the viscous yolk molests my tounge. I immediately feel the disturbance in the force… It’s like a thousand sugar canes crying out at once, and then… silence…

These are a seasonal product for two reasons. First, they aren’t really that good. Second, if they were eaten on a regular basis - they would kill a small child.

I believe that the sugar inside of the Cadburry egg is a unique kind of sugar. It is a special “designer coctail” of sugar that comes only after a long process of glucose-enrichment mixed with heroine and crystal-meth. (Rumor has it that Iran is jealous of our Cadburry eggs, and is really just enriching sugar, but hiding it under the guise of enriching Uranium so as to avoid instant war).

The aftershock of all of the super-sugar disrups the part of our neural pathway that stores information about how things taste - and effectively erases our memory of these eggs. That way, every year when Easter rolls around we have forgotten what it tasted like the year before.

One man decided to package what many consider to be a lethal dose of the stufff into one ostrich-sized egg.

You can read about his project over at “Pimp My Snack” (yes, that’s a real website) where he documents what he did. (The above image is, of course, only half of the finished product.)

When he got done, he didn’t eat it. Instead,he sold it on eBay.

Too bad the auction is over, this would be the perfect side-dish for the World’s Largest Peep that my sisters recently made in Minnesota.