MythBusters hosts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, who dared challenge the sacred explanations of the order of the universe, were destroyed by Zeus Monday.

(read original article here)

RIAA Bans Telling Friends About Songs

The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that it will be taking legal action against anyone discovered telling friends, acquaintances, or associates about new songs, artists, or albums.

“We are merely exercising our right to defend our intellectual properties from unauthorized peer-to-peer notification of the existence of copyrighted material,”

(read original article here)

There is bad, and then there is criminal. When it comes to the appearance of this outspoken reporter – a line must be drawn

Said a spokesperson for the grand jury on Saturday.

When asked who told her that her haircut looked acceptable to go out in public, Miller claims she cannot recall. In her notebook, she has scrawled down: “Hair good, you go girl” but no name is attached to the quotation.

[Actual coverage via Washington Post. Most recent article: here]

The article goes on to describe a line that went “along the sidewalk toward the Brimhall building.” (Students who have been at BYU too long will remember the “good ‘ole days” when lines would routinely snake past the JSB – far beyond the measely milestone mentioned in the article.)

In an interview with the Daily Universe, a spokesperson had this to say:

“This years crop of writers is our best ever. We’ve always made it a goal to exagerate campus news as much as possible. This years staff of young imbeciles make that goal a reality. Not only do they make everything sound like a bigger deal than it is, they are so poetic at it.”

It’s hard to argue that point. Just read the opening line in the worst-hyperbole-ever article: “I can see clearly now, the line is gone.” What a grand piece of work. Although you might think the author was unable to see clearly because of the ten or fifteen people in line – that’s not what this modern-day William Shakespeare was saying. He was making an allusion to a bad 90′s tune: “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.” See? Genius.

The article also masters the art of hyperbole by extending the duration of the so-called “longest line ever.” The article mentions that this line was in existence for “the past week and a half.”

The Daily Universe spokesperson:

“This overstatement is excellent because it makes the reader believe that people were standing in line for a week-and-a-half. The reader can start to have a distorted view of people huddled around at night burning textbooks in trash-bins just to stay warm.”

When asked about the possibility of reporting the actual story, that once or twice the line got long – but only for a short time, and only in the afternoon – the Universe replied:

“Our responsiblity is not to report the facts, especially if the facts are boring.”

Read the worst hyperbole ever here:
BYU NewsNet – Worst lines ever

Donald Rumsfeld is giving President George W Bush his daily briefing on the war in Iraq.

He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the Commander-in-Chief sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up with a puzzled look on his face, and asks:

“Exactly how many is a brazillion?”

[Via The North American Foistboinder]

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Thanks “cnjwh6039683″ for sending me that instant message. I appreciate the nice engrish you used in it. What is this? Some kind of bad Japanese translation? (Like the classic: All your base are belong to us!) Why is Currently Listing capitalized? Why is “Looking” capitalized? Why is your website down???

Aside from the bad english – cnjwh6039683 – you didn’t even list a website correctly. (Idiot) I guess one of those 736 females finally grabbed you, because you weren’t online when I tried to reply to you.

She clinched the title by beating out Miss Georgia and Miss Kentucky in the “YMCA Dance” competition – new this year.

In a written statement she said:

As moms, if we give our children hope and self-esteem we’ll see the whole range of social pathologies shrink to manageable proportions.

What her employer Eli Lilly wanted her to say was:

As moms, if we give our children hope and self-esteem Strattera, and Prozac we’ll see the whole range of social pathologies inconvenient behavior shrink to manageable proportions disappear like the pill down their throat!”

Mom, you have to stop using us as an excuse now for why you don’t enter the Miss Vermont pageant…

CNN.com – California mom wins Mrs. America pageant – Sep 20, 2005

CNN.com – Three storms in turbulent Atlantic – Sep 8, 2005